About Aisha
I was born and raised in Sunderland, which is in the North East of England, UK. I was born to immigrant parents who had moved to the UK from Pakistan. I was raised to be a Muslim. I remember getting to my teenage years and noticing how different I was to my peers, who would frequently hang out together after school and I wasn’t allowed to join. I didn’t fully understand why, just that I was ‘different’ to them.
I remember developing what I now know is religious OCD; I would obsessively repeat certain prayers in my mind, otherwise I was convinced something terrible would happen. This later became generalised OCD, which took me years to overcome.
Throughout my teenage years I found various religious rules confusing. I also didn’t know where religion and culture intertwined or how separate they were. I tended to avoid these doubts, I was just a child, living at home, there was no choice but to follow the religion.
It was when I started my undergrad degree, in Psychology, that I begun to understand what we mean by ‘evidence-based research’ and I realised Religion does not have this. I got an English translation of the Quran, as I had always read it in Arabic and wanted to understand what I had been reading. When I begun reading the English version, I was shocked, and this was the beginning of my faith deconstruction.
I still lived at home, so couldn’t openly share how I felt about the religious teachings. Not long after this I was accepted onto a different course and moved out to further my studies. Even when I had moved out, I desperately wanted to re-find my faith in Islam. I thought, how on earth am I going to be able to live my life if I don’t follow the same religion as my family. I knew they would not accept it. So it might shock you to hear even when I moved out, I tried engaging in Ramadan. I woke up to pray and even started fasting. However, it just seemed like such a pointless thing that I was doing. The words during prayer had no meaning. I didn’t know who I was praying to. The truth is, I didn’t believe anyone was out there.
Its over 10 years later now. I’ve got through faith deconstruction, I’ve ‘come out’ to my family who I am estranged from, and I’ve got 12 years of experience as a therapist. 4 of those years, I have been specialising in people who have left religion or are experiencing religious trauma. If you would be interested in finding out if I can help you, please reach out for a free 15 minute call here.